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Why diplomacy is a waste of time

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Jonar Nader

Jonar Nader says that diplomacy is a waste of time. It is only useful when the other party has the upper hand. Otherwise, do what you know has to be done, even if you have to lose friends and infuriate people. Further below is a transcript of the video.

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Here is the transcript:

Jennifer: If you are interested in leadership management and self development principles, check out a new book. Here’s the title of it, “How to Lose Friends & Infuriate People: Leadership in the Networked World”. The author of the book, Jonar Nader is my guest today, and thank you so much for joining us.

Jonar Nader: Hi, Jennifer, a pleasant day.

Jennifer: Why on earth did you choose this title?

Jonar Nader: Well, you know in the networked world, the world in which we live today, the fast-paced world there is a secret. And the secret is we have to understand opposites. And not only do we have to understand an opposite, we have to be able to do it simultaneously. For example, we all learn about fear. But we need to understand courage. Kids by the age of seven know fear inside out. But they forget to be taught about courage. We all understand focus. But, we need to learn about awareness, another opposite. And we need to do it simultaneously. So the title of the book says to someone, “Hang on man, I thought I was suppose to win friends?” I’m saying, “Yeah, but at the same time you have to also know the opposite.

Jennifer: Okay, in your book, you say “Diplomacy is a waste of time and there can be no argument about that.”Can you give us a concrete example?

Jonar Nader: Yeah, sure. Look, diplomacy says that we have to go through the motions and make sure we don’t hurt anyone’s feelings. And all these things and noble thoughts. But how many times do we sit in a meeting or we’re doing something whether it’d be at the federal level or in family when we all very well know that this isn’t going to work. We know this is a waste of time. We see these situations all the time. Where someone steals your life, we’re lying to each other. Our life is too precious to allow that to happen. So, diplomacy is only useful when it’s useful. But we need to also learn when we say, “No, this is enough. You’re stealing my life.” And when you steal someone’s life, what more theft of a highest order can you have than that.

Jennifer: Okay, let’s say for instance we have a meeting after this newscast. And one of the 15 people involved has messed up. And the viewers at home noticed it. Should our manager tell that person in the meeting?

Jonar Nader: Well …

Jennifer: … that they messed up or should the manger pull the person aside privately and – which would be being more diplomatic?

Jonar Nader: Well privately, it’s okay if it gets the job done. But it’s when we know that this isn’t getting the job done. We’re just glossing over. Life is too fast to gloss over things anymore. We don’t have time to come back to anything. So if you have touched on something and fix it now, you can be sure you won’t have time to come and fix it later.

Jennifer: What do you hope managers get from this book?

Jonar Nader: Well, one thing is that they understand the value of life. Today on Wall Street, people are just running around for bottom line figures. And what are they doing? They’re really only cheating themselves because Wall Street is a joke. And the sooner it blows up the better. (Laughter) What we need to do is to actually say, “What are we doing this for? Do we love the internet or do we love life or do we love baby powder?” Get on to what you love doing because there are so many people going home totally depressed, totally drained. And all they have at the end of the day is energy. And we set that away from them all in the aid of a bottom line. That is why you want the bottom line to look fabulous if actually people do what they believe they love to do. And I’m just saying, “Stand up and say excuse me, enough is enough.”

Jennifer: And not worry about losing friends. But you’re not saying the goal is to lose friends and infuriate people.

Jonar Nader: It’s to do what you know is right. To follow your heart but watch your back. This is a thing in this world, you know. For example – another opposite is that of – we know we say to people, “Be patient.” And we’re further taught to be patient. You know what? Impatience is absolutely wonderful because I’m the kind of manager when I say, “A glass of water and a drop of ink coming.” I’d rather say to someone. “Don’t you dare bring that drop of ink near me.” Whereas, other managers actually say, “Well let’s see how it goes.” And when the drop of ink dissipates, you try fishing that out then, totally impossible. So I want managers to stop the ink before it comes.

Jennifer: You know, I’m in trouble now for making this interview go too long. So, we’ll see what happens to me with the manager after this. Stick around, would you.

Jonar Nader: Yeah, sure.


Host 2: Thank you Jonar Nader. It’s only 6:46. I’ll wrap this up pretty fast. Just to have another look at today’s top story.

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