The following are approximately the first 1000 words from Chapter 14 of Jonar Nader’s book,
How to Lose Friends and Infuriate Lovers.

Why can’t you be more like me?

Take it, or leave it

The marketing fraternity has brainwashed the masses into thinking that organic or ‘all natural’ products must be good for us. Natural flavours and colours are supposed to be healthier or something. I have often wondered if nature is really harmless. I mean, nature is not altogether without its spiky bits. For example, arsenic is all natural!

We might feel that we are doing the right thing when we allow our feelings to take their natural course. It’s only natural to want the best for our family and friends, because it’s understandable that we should encourage our beloved to raise their standards. Well, I am not convinced about this type of logic. It sounds plausible, but it sure is flawed when it is automatically applied to those with whom we are in love.

Yes, it’s only natural that we should encourage our lover to strive for a better career by using some of their talent. With a little focus on their part, and a little help from us… If only they would listen. If only they would change…

That’s the word I’ve been waiting for. Change! We can’t go any further. You must eradicate it from your vocabulary. The words ‘love’ and ‘change’ just cannot exist in the same head, no more than ‘love’ and ‘selfishness’ can survive in the same heart. So make a decision. Take it, or leave it — or be left behind.

I realise that it’s heartbreaking to watch your lover squandering real opportunities. It’s frustrating to be in the presence of talented angels who do not realise how gifted they are. If only they would take more interest in their own development.

What of those who not only refuse to nurture their talent, but they also sabotage their success by engaging in unhealthy pastimes, or by mixing with undesirables? The answer to that question is simple: take it, or leave it.

But why would anyone who is so well-endowed be so blind to potential?

It’s only natural to want to help. Unfortunately, what we call ‘encouragement’, they call ‘interference’. We speak with love, they hear with irritation. Our encouragement sounds to them like pressure that pushes, persuades, pounds, pesters, plagues, pokes, prods, and provokes.

Of course they have potential. Who hasn’t? But has it occurred to you that they do not want to be prompted or propelled or promoted or petitioned? They simply do not value their gifts in the way that you do; and they don’t want to chase the life that you have mapped out for them. I understand that you are not looking to profit from this. You just want them to prosper. You would like to see them happy in paradise. I understand. I know.

You can explain and complain all you like, but it won’t do any good. There’s nothing you can say that would further your argument, simply because you are right. Your observations are accurate, and your desire to help is genuine. It’s only natural that you should care about your lover. It’s just that I have a teensy bit of advice for you. STOP. Yep, that’s the advice. It’s perfectly simple. Just stop trying. Stop thinking. Stop urging. Stop pleading. Stop explaining, and for goodness sake, just… how shall I put it… don’t. Don’t try. Don’t think. Don’t urge. Don’t plead. Don’t explain, and for heaven’s sake, just, snap out of it. Let go. Relinquish. Step back. Pack it in. Log off. In other words; put a sock in it!

Yes, it’s a tad harsh, but I need to emphasise this point: DON’T! Don’t expect your lover to change. It would be the beginning of the end. Or is it the end of any beginning? I don’t know. It’s just flaming hot. Drop it. Shut it. Leave it.

You are at a fork in the road. Going left means shutting your cake-hole and acting like a lover. Going right means hounding away about their potential, and expelling all that jarring noise that your lover will bottle up in a magnum and eventually put a cork in it. The label will read, ‘Botrytis cinerea. Bin F — Annus horribilis. Sickly sweet. Spoils the fun.’

Do you follow the gist? There are some things in nature that do not mix. They trigger spontaneous combustion. That’s what you get for caring. Loving clashes with caring.

I know that it’s natural to care — but you must not care so much that you would want your lover to change. This advice sounds like a right ol’ dampener, especially when your potentially-perfect darling could potentially make it big. Alas, they are not ready. They don’t want to hear it. They are not interested, despite the confusing undertones when they say, ‘Oh I do appreciate everything you are trying to do for me. I know that you mean well…’

Do you know the next word that they will use? Here it comes… but. ‘But I am not sure if I’m ready. But I don’t feel like it. But I don’t want to…’ But, but, but.

Deep down, the translation would go something like, ‘You sound just like my folks. Please, drop it. I did not run into your arms to be badgered. All this commonsense is more than one can bear. I get enough of it at home. Can we do what I came here to do?’

What was it that you came here to do? It’s not so easy to remember. Was it love? Was it affection? Was it fun? Was it that you really felt so good that (at last) someone loved you for who you are, and now they love you so much that they want to change you? Don’t you realise that it’s for your own good?

I can see that.

Then why won’t you let me help you?

Sure, you can help me.

Great, when shall we start?

Tomorrow.

Not now?

No, I have a party to go to. I’ll see you later.

A dagger in the heart. Injustice.