The following are approximately the first 1000 words from Chapter 14 of Jonar Nader’s book,
How to Lose Friends and Infuriate Your Boss.

I want your job:

The dangers of pandering to your boss

If you aspire to take your manager’s job, what would your strategy be? Would you tell your manager of your desires, or would you keep it a secret, for fear of being seen as a threat? Would your manager be a supporter or an enemy? These are valid and complex questions that you need to contemplate before you declare your intentions. If you shine too much, you might not be wanted on the team in case you make your manager’s efforts look lacklustre. On the other hand, your manager might be delighted to groom you. Whatever the case, you need to know your position before you reveal your strategy.

As I was growing up in corporate life, I could not seem to get it right. I recall being interviewed by a marketing director who asked me where I saw myself in five years. I said that I was building a career in the technology industry, and I was hoping that in the near future I would reach the capacity of marketing director. I did not suggest that I wanted his job, but that my natural progression would lead me to that level, whether with his company or elsewhere. That made him angry. His face turned red as he accused me of being ‘smug’. In a condescending tone he said, ‘You seem to be sure of yourself.’ I did not know what to say. I could see that my confidence disturbed him. Maybe he preferred to hire someone who lacked self-awareness.

Learning from this lesson, I went to another interview a few days later, and when asked that question, I was humble in my reply. I did not want to appear overly confident. That too, backfired, because I was accused of not having ‘a clear direction’. I could not win.

Take time to understand your desires, to be clear about your direction, and to know your boss before you share your plans. Your boss might have no intention of vacating the chair, so any hint of your ambition might work against you.

Barking up the wrong tree

What many people do not realise is that their boss is not the one who holds the key to their next promotion. If you want to take over from your boss, who do you think will be making that decision? While your boss might have some influence, the final say rests with the manager to whom your boss reports.

The ultimate skill in climbing the corporate ladder is in realising that if you plan to move up, you need to impress your manager’s manager.

You now have two tasks to juggle. You need to keep your current boss satisfied that you are meeting the requirements, without being a threat. You also need to impress your manager’s manager, without being disloyal or breaking the chain of command. Naturally, if you can move ahead with your manager’s guidance and mentorship, all the better. Unfortunately, in this modern age, it is rare to find a mature, caring boss who hangs around long enough to be able to assist you in a practical way.

Dress to kill, speak to woo

To simplify the following example, let us call your boss ‘John’, and his boss ‘Mary’. No matter how much you dislike John, you must never speak disparagingly about him to Mary (or to anyone else for that matter) because you will never know what relationship they have. In the corporate jungle, the first sad and sorry rule is that you must treat everyone as if they cannot be trusted. You just do not know what Mary is likely to tell John. Besides, if Mary sees you as someone who speaks badly about your current manager, she could easily assume that if you eventually reported directly to her, you might find it just as easy to discredit her to her superior. This would retard your chances of a promotion.

Another important aspect when maintaining a polished image in the eyes of your manager’s manager is how you dress and present yourself. If you want to plant a seed in Mary’s mind that you are ‘executive material’, she must always see you as such. What you wear and how you conduct yourself should lead her to think that you are someone whom she would like to have on her team.

Your best advocate is your image. Your actions must result in Mary believing that you possess star qualities. Nothing you say can override what another person believes. For example, a person to whom you are not physically attracted cannot make you feel an attraction merely by asking you to reconsider your assessment. Similarly, you cannot ask Mary to think highly of you. She either will, or she will not. This means that your image will exude signals that Mary will interpret in her own way. You cannot ask her to translate your signals using your interpretation code. What you presume to be appealing might be off-putting to Mary. Naturally, it would be sensible to understand her preferences. What some people find alluring, others find repulsive. Beware what you do in the name of fashion and style.

Do not compromise your standards in an attempt to please others. The moment that you lose your own style, you become unattractive. I worked for an organisation whose entire management team enjoyed consuming alcohol at every opportunity. I was warned about my reluctance to drink, and told that the chairman would be offended if I did not share a beer with him. I would not acquiesce. There are some things I would not do in the name of corporate harmony.

It is vital to ensure that your image reflects your substance. What you project about yourself must be real. Those whose exterior is not a true reflection of their interior, end up living a lie. They will be able to fool some people, but they cannot fool those who matter most. Self-deceptive conduct is not only self-damaging, it is a resource-intensive Molotov cocktail.