The following are approximately the first 1000 words from Chapter 20 of Jonar Nader’s book, How to Lose Friends and Infuriate Your Boss.

Go ahead, make my day!

Fired up and nowhere to go

Several years ago I instigated a new index called ‘The Firing Line’, whereby ex-employees were asked how they were fired, retrenched, or made redundant.

In the old days the standard line was, ‘You’re fired!’ These days, to avoid any legal backlash, we hear more delicate phrasing, such as ‘This job no longer suits you.’ Firing lines are now usually scripted by the personnel department and approved by the legal eagles.

The latest firing lines are being delivered via arm’s-length methods, such as e-mail, voicemail, or by letter while the employee is on leave. During corporate collapses or corporate takeovers, the first that employees know of their fate is often through the media.

The fire drill

Are you prepared to be fired? In other words, if you were fired tomorrow, do you have everything in order? Would you be in a position to walk out the door within the hour with all your personal effects? Would you be ready to start looking for another job? Employees who are prepared for this eventuality are likely to have their important personal e-mails archived on a disk at home. Their office computer would contain minimal personal information because it is cleared regularly. And there is nothing in their filing cabinets that might prove embarrassing if found by someone else. These are examples of administrative readiness.

Given the volatile nature of the current business environment, it is surprising that an estimated ninety-nine percent of workers are not adequately prepared for the loss of their job. Most people know that they do not have a job for life, and that it is up to them to protect their own interests, yet less than one percent of staff keep their résumés up-to-date in the event of their job being unexpectedly terminated. Having an up-to-date résumé is the first important step.

What would you do if you left your job tomorrow? Would you have to pound the pavement to let potential employers know that you are looking for work? Or would you sit at home at your PC and enrol in the Web-based job-search services? Some executives who are happily employed still keep an iron in the fire by keeping their details on file with employment agencies.

The key to finding a job is having a thorough understanding of the job market. Who are the key decision-makers? Do they know that you exist?

It is a good idea to peruse the weekend newspapers and select a few jobs that interest you, even if you are not actually looking for work. In this way, you can learn about the skills that are being sought, and you will benefit from the experience of going through the interview process. It will also give you an understanding of current wage structures, work environments, and ‘who’s who’ in the industry. Naturally, it would be ethical to let the interviewer know that you are happy in your current position, but that you want to learn more about what is on offer to see if any opportunities exist for you to contemplate a serious move. In this way, you can shop around without misleading potential employers. They will understand that you are merely testing the waters.

It is vitally important that you are known to those who matter. Why not contact head-hunters and ask for a brief meeting so that you can let them know about your skills and career aspirations? If you then keep in touch with them by telephone every six months or so, they will come to understand your strengths. Provided that they like your skills and social graces, they will think of you when the right opportunity arises. If you do not develop a relationship with the key decision-makers, how are they going to know that you even exist? If the first time you contact them is when you have just lost your job, the timing, and the fact that you are a complete stranger to them, are likely to work against you.

The firing squad

These days, some employers assemble a firing squad that includes: the ‘executioners’ who bear the bad news; security guards to restrain unco-operative employees; computer administrators to disable their access codes and security swipe cards; pay-office clerks to decipher their final payslips; and a counsellor to introduce them to the outplacement agency that will help with moral support as well as some practical advice as to how to go about getting a new job.

If you feel that you are being fired unjustly, do not sign any documents. Seek legal advice from your union or industry association, or from your lawyer. There is no harm in putting up a fight if you believe you are being victimised or treated unfairly. If there are good reasons for your dismissal, it is best to accept them and move on. Any hearing or settlement would take a long time to resolve, and it would only hold you back from moving on to a new chapter in your career.

Being fired is high on the list of most people’s worst nightmares. Some employees might find it so embarrassing to be fired, that they go home and pretend that nothing has happened. For weeks, they go through the motions of getting up early and dressing for work, just so that their family members do not suspect anything. They never thought it could happen to them, so they were completely unprepared for it. They live in denial until, sooner or later, their family finds out and they have to face the music.

People who take pride in their work and career might be loath to admit that they have been fired, because of the stigma they associate with it. They question what happened, why it happened, and how it could have happened to them. Initially, fired employees might presume that it was a personality clash; they might then think that it had something to do with a decline in their skills. Some might believe that they failed to impress the boss, or that their performance was inadequate in what might have been a high-pressure environment. As they search for an explanation, they might react with shock or anger. They might desperately look for a solution, hoping that a compromise could be reached, but they feel that no matter what they say, their boss would not listen to them. They might become consumed by a sense of frustration when they realise that their fate is not subject to negotiation. They are caught between feeling ‘this can’t be happening to me, I must be dreaming’ and ‘I’m disposable, and all my foundations have been destroyed.’ During this first stage, the main question they ask is, ‘Why?’ Unfortunately, for many people, this question is never answered satisfactorily because of their self-denial or because of the lies that employers spin.