The following are approximately the first 1000 words from Chapter 21 of Jonar Nader’s book,
How to Lose Friends and Infuriate People.

You can only lie if you know the truth:

Beware the statisticians

Once research is passed down the line to the workers, it becomes fact. Once fact is known to cost millions in fees, it becomes gospel. Once gospel is branded with a consultancy firm’s logo, it becomes direction. Once direction is disseminated by the regional headquarters, it becomes policy. Dare you challenge policy!

There are very few instances where research is used to help run an organisation better. Research is often a political tool that is used to cover one’s rear. I have seen organisations spend millions of dollars amassing data that is never used. I have seen statistics being engineered to support an idea that could be almost criminal. Furthermore, and what is even more frustrating, in some organisations, as with some sacred establishments, it is unthinkable to question the ‘data’. It is unheard of to question the findings, and it would be professional suicide to go against them.

First, survey results are often presented by a consultant or doctorate fellow who finds it necessary to make the exercise much more complex than it needs to be in order to justify the huge invoice. Second, it is well known that there is an art to structuring a questionnaire to yield the desired answers. By the way, conduct an audit (a real audit) into the money spent on all forms of research in your organisation, and then try to justify that level of expenditure. I doubt that you could.

To avoid any misunderstanding, I must make the following four statements up front: 1) An inquisitive mind is a healthy mind; 2) The search for innovation and improvement ought to be applauded; 3) A constant evaluation of one’s position is vital for survival; 4) Research offers much value when it forms part of an expert’s everyday life.

This chapter warns about research that is employed as part of a ‘ritual’ or something that must be performed for political or bureaucratic reasons. This kind of research becomes a waste of resources and is a distracting force that commands more attention than is healthy or reasonable.

It is shocking to observe the existence of managers who do need research data to run their day-to-day operation. Managers who need to rely on data to know where to take the next step are doomed to fail.

Show me the way so that I can lead

The word ‘research’ means to ‘look again’, not to ‘go and find out’. In business and in life, to research a subject first requires some appreciation of the subject at hand.

Managers of every persuasion are put in charge of projects they know very little about. They commission research in order to glean some ideas about the direction forward, yet they are in no position to be making decisions. They know this, so they let the data point the way. However, data on its own cannot point the way. That thing we call ‘gut feel’ or ‘intuition’ is still the primary ingredient that must be used in decision making. If a solid feeling of ‘rightness’ does not precede a decision, failure then creeps in with unrestricted access. Alas, how can you show ‘gut feel’ on a chart for the committee’s approval?

In modern worklife, people rarely matter because systems and processes seem to have taken over. These days it is rare to hear a thought or an idea being attributed to a person. Instead, managers speak of what the ‘research’ says. They hide behind it as if it had an unshakeable personality of its own.

I have worked with people who knew exactly how to manipulate the research to suit their needs. They knew how to deluge the board of directors with more data and charts than would be reasonable for anyone to digest. Yes, this is laughable. As are the cases where statistics are manipulated to show the preconceived desired results. What is deadly serious is the authority with which research is used to beat people over the head. ‘What do you mean you don’t agree!’ shouts a troubled manager. ‘The research bears this out. Do you dare go against the truth presented here? Are you a fool to be so courageous?’

What fascinates me is how people shrug off responsibility for the past. I am flabbergasted every time I hear managers say, ‘We need to change direction because we now have new data showing that we are not on track with our current campaign.’ That is what they said about the last campaign, and the one before that, and the one prior. So who says that this campaign will not be denounced by the new regime in twelve months’ time? It baffles me how managers can declare they have discovered the path to nirvana with every new direction they point to.

Herding all sheep

I once attended a meeting that was graced by senior managers from all over the world. One of the items on the agenda was a presentation by the head of the research division. The passion with which the academic researcher believed that certain market segments existed was surprising. In a world of billions of people, the research department managed to slice the globe into five groups. My goodness, that must have taken some herding.

It was a very serious meeting because people knew that the ‘tablets’ were being presented from on high. I could not believe what I was hearing.

In the meeting, it was explained that the research would set the direction for every division — what the engineers invented, what the designers crafted, what the advertisers projected, and what the salespeople eventually sold. No question about it. Once our group of 2000 people started to sculpt the product, there was no turning back. This was the most serious meeting of the year. A sign on the wall read: ‘Speak now or forever hold your peace.’ No-one dared to speak. The research does not lie. This is what our market wants. Who has the temerity to go against what customers want!

My offsider knew me well. With every irritating chart he looked at me, desperate for a reaction. Half-way through the meeting he gave me one of those looks that burst my balloon. I could not take it any longer. My patience had evaporated. I was in the middle of vivid colourful thinking using brain-speak. (Brain-speak is explained in Chapter 7, ‘Can you speak another colour?’) Strangely, when engaged in brain-speak I am unable to utter the words because I do not think in words. So, unintentionally and inadvertently I burst into the biggest, heartiest, most uncontrollable laughter that my body was able to expel — short of bursting a blood vessel.